Looking torwards

Last edited: 27th August 2024

Since I am not the best writer and stuff, I am just going to say that I didn't steal this post's name from MayVaneDay, it just kinda happened, because I didn't had anything better in my mind at the time. Anyways, back on topic. It has been a while since I made a post here, because my life was a bit of a boring mess during the few past months. But even in this so-called "mess" quite a few important things happened, which I kinda want to write down. First of all, looks like I finally ditched one bad habit of mine, which was following me around for a few years. However, I don't think it was mostly thanks to myself, but thanks to a "mix" of things that happened around the same time in my life. Well, at least I am more or less satisfied with the result and acknowledged that I still need quite a few things to work on regards to my personality. Secondly, I attended a pretty boring practice at my university during July, in the end, however, I managed to finish it pretty smoothly. Which, of course, reminds me of 2 things. First of all, I am pretty damn lucky sometimes. And, secondly, when the thing was over, I just... Well, sorta believed more in myself?.. Dunno why it happened during that day, but guess it is due to the fact that I kinda looked back and saw myself in the past, desperately trying to solve my shit and failing at that miserably, which was pretty pathetic, I would say. But then I looked at the reality before me and... Well, I felt relieved that I am in a much batter place now than I was even a year ago or so. Speaking of those "changes" that I mentioned during last post on this blog, I realized in the beginning of the month that these were mostly... Uh, "cosmetic"?.. In fact, all I did in the previous months, was blabbing to myself about how good it is that the "changes" are finally here. In reality, I just reached a certain "comfy point" and refused to move further, thus making almost the same mistake I did back when those "changes" came initially. After the realiztion, which kinda sucked, I just made a decision to distant myself from quite a few things, until I, at least, will change *for real*.

In conclusion, although last year really sucked and this year is way better(though I keep maing up the same mistakes from time to time) I can say that I wasn't "all for nothing" or something like that. Anyway, university starts yet again pretty soon, so let's just hope I will survive the following months XD Although, like you could've guessed if you've read through all this, I am pretty much looking torwards with a serious(does that word even apply for that?..) smile on my face. Well, that's all for now, see you guys in the future!